When you want to cry but couldn’t

I just working on one of my assignment which is listening to lots of songs from different genre and then make a report about what I feel when I listen to each of those songs. One that I picked up is The Lion King – Circle of Life (Broadway Version). What surprise me was, when I got into the song, some tears fell from my eyes. And I didn’t feel like want to stop it (not that lot’s of tears fell, but still…). I guess the song really reminded me of the beauty of nature and why we should be thankful for it, the regret of what earth has become today, and what had I done to make it good or worse…

Here’s the video on YouTube

Then I also remember one time in the past when I couldn’t cry. Couple of years before I had this problem, sometimes I even had to search for something to make me cry. At first any sad books or movie would do, but then the only thing that work is a manga CANON by Chika Shiomi. I don’t know why this book, but my mind seems to respond more to this one; and even in the end I had to read with concentrate and told myself to cry before it succeed.

This, I have to say can be seen as a torture to for me. Because there’s  a time when I just needed to cry and I couldn’t. So now after I doesn’t have this problem anymore (it was kind of reversed actually, now I kind of easy to cry. If I watch, or read, or hear something touchful, I often have an urge to cry), I have different point of view with some people who think/see tears as a sign of weakness. Now I always glad when I still can cry, I think it’s a gift that makes me feel normal and human. And I think someone who cry sometimes braver and stronger than someone who’s not. crying means we are brave enough to not only feel but also show the emotion. Stronger because through showing the emotion we can endure more. We doesn’t have to put all inside and thus we can store more without have to be overwhelmed…

That’s what I think. But I would like to know what all of you think about it. Do you feel the same with me? Or just the opposite?


Discussion of National Insight

Last saturday, 27 November 2010, I went to Gedung Balai Pengelolaan Taman Budaya Jabar to watch “Dialog Wawasan Kebangsaan”. It was quite surprised that the seats were almost full (despite the fact that it was free). Glad to know that Indonesian people had the appreciation to this kind of things. The even was opened by some performances. The first one was from CCLB which sang 3 songs (2 of them,Braga Stone & Lawan, wrote by Iman Soleh). Honestly, I didn’t really like their songs, especially the first one, since they were similar to light rock (well, maybe it’s about taste). Not to mention that the pronunciations were very unclear, that’s why I didn’t really caught what they said (or sang). But what I got from the Lawan was it’s a song to encourage the small people (farmers, fishers, teachers, and drivers) to fight the unfair situations. However, I have to admit that the voice was quite good.

After that, there was an introduction of the sources & the guests. They were Tarman Azzam, Dicky Chandra, Rani Permata, Pa Happy from IPENSI, Rudi Robotika from UNIKOM, and also some representation from PSB (Paguyuban Sapedah Baheula), woman polices, and many more. The host himself was Kang Deden, who made this even together with social ministers.
The second performance was from Karinding Sasaka from Lembang, who brought us 2 songs, the opening song, and Beren or Lamping. Beren talked about the changing of the environments. I actually prefer this one than the first. It’s really amazing that here, in Indonesia, what seems to be simple music instruments, can be so beautiful. And it also very “original”.
Two ex-street singers of “88 kilometers”, also gave their performances. They made the audiences amused by guitar and violin. The first song was western one, and the other one was Indonesia Raya. Here, I released how the music performances really effect their audiences. For every performance, with their own uniqueness, different responses were given. For CCLB, the audiences felt more energy and they could song along with the band and sometime even make little screams. When Karinding Sasaka’s performance, the audience were enjoy the music quietly. And in the third performance, the responses were between CCLB and Karinding Sasaka. Quite calm but with more energy.
After these 3 performances, the audiences were asked to stand up and sang Indonesia Raya with Indonesia’s Flag in front of us. Thus the welcome speeches were given by Nur Soleh and Mr. Suyoto. Mr. Nur Soleh from social minister, mentioned about the disappearance of national identity in Indonesia, especially after reform era. This, he said, was really dangerous because Indonesia has many potentials to fall apart. The territory which is archipelago, the diversity or variety of religions, ethnicities, and cultures, and also the number of regions which are bordering with other countries. Especially for the provinces that were closer to other countries than Indonesia’s central government, lots of them know other’s flag and national songs, than ours. This, he said, because we always treated them as “backyard” not “frontyard” and paid almost no attention to them. And when he went there and asked them whether they want to be other country citizen, they spontaneity and fluently said yes. They saw hope and welfare there. So his conclusion was the one who made Indonesia territory become smaller and smaller was our own government, not other country’s. As for Mr. Suyoto’s speech, it was almost the same as Mr. Nur’s.
Bilik Kreatif Bandung, gave us performance after that. They brought lot’s of “drums” and “sticks”. Their performance was quite unique, since though it seems disorganized and disheveled, in the truth it had its own order, and could amuse audience through that.
A video about the responses of Indonesian people to some questions was played. The first question was “Are you proud to be Indonesian? Why?”. Most of them said they were proud with their own reasons (But none of them said it was because they are Indonesian they can become what they are). For the unproud, one of the reason was because they didn’t feel free, though Indonesia already independent.
The second question was “What do you remember about Indonesia?”. The funny thing is even though most of them said they were proud of Indonesia, but what they remembered about it was desultory, corruptions, disasters (both natural and human made), poverty, lack of accomplishment, debt, and unfairness. Almost none of them mention any good thing.
Then, when the questions “What is nationality for you?” and “What is national insight?”, almost all of them couldn’t answer. What I got from them was they care more about their income than that question (Of course most of the people like that, not just the “small” people). And this also related to the last question, which was “What is your hope for Indonesia?”. Out of crisis, independence, many job opportunities, safeness, prosperous, and the changing in the nation even though there should be a cuts in generation, were their answers.
When the video was finished, then the discussion was started, with Tarman Azzam, Dicky Chandra, Rani Permata, Pa Happy from IPENSI, Rudi Robotika from UNIKOM as sources. Unfortunately, I didn’t watch it until the end, because I had to go home at 9.30pm (the even was until almost 11pm).
The sources were gave their own opinion of what national insight was. The first answer was from Tarman Azzam. He said that it was an understanding of how to live as a nation. As for Nusantara’s insight, it was how to live in one territory (which was Nusantara). He chose America as the example of unity in identity. American people came from many nations, but they just “know” 1 word, which was “America”. Then he mentioned the different of Indonesia’s government and PBB’s point of view. For our government, people can be called as poor, when their income was below 1 dollar a day, but for PBB, wherever you live, when your income was below 2 dollars a day, you were poor. Accordingly, for PBB, there were about 109 millions people who were poor in Indonesia.
The second answer was from Dicky Chandra. He said that the more you know someone, the more love you would fell. This also stand for nation. Thus, he called Indonesia as Ibu Pertiwi and said that no matter how bad our “mother” was, we still had to be proud and love her (he forgot to mention that especially we had “mother” which was far from bad).
Then his wife, Rani Permata, was expected to be the third person answer the question. But before she answered, the host asked her about the experience as the wife of vice regent (bupati?). Then she talk about a woman, named Raden Ayu Lasminingrat who she though should have to be national heroine. She was the one who wrote Carita Erman, Warna Sari I, & Warna Sari II. She also the founder of Kautamaan Istri school. She lived for 105 years. Then some other sources also mentioned that they were trying to make the appropriate person to be national heros, and this year from 10 persons that they suggested, 2 was approved (both from East of Indonesia).
After that, the representation of PSB got his turn. He said that he was disappointed by the people in video who said they were not proud of Indonesia. And he also mentioned how every 10 November, the one who go on a pilgrimage was (or it looked like that) only them (people from PSB). And he also said that it’s better if we didn’t think that sea was separate Indonesia, but unity it.
The fifth answer was came from Mr. Happy, as the representation of IPENSI. He said that we had to have positive thinking through our nation, not just criticizes it. Build a society that has no power with culture.
As for Rudi from UNIKOM, hard work was his start point. And for him, every dream can be reach trough it.